, February 18, 2025

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The Parable of the Man-god, and the Ex-mayor Who Talks to Chickens


  •   3 min reads
The Parable of the Man-god, and the Ex-mayor Who Talks to Chickens
Facebook / Benhur Abalos
By Joey Salgado

And so it came to pass that the self-anointed son of god, named after the greek deity of sun and light but also of plagues, relinquished his mortal flesh, not to acquiesce to his fate but perhaps in defiance of it, not because he was abandoned by powerful and once powerful friends who implored, nay, hectored the now powerful to spare the man-god the humiliation and respect his human rights. 

No, not for those reasons did he lose his resolve. It was out of pity for his long suffering flock, beaten and battered by the praetorians enforcing an order lawful only in the eyes of men but not to his eyes for he is after all, god. His loving flock sleeping on hard cement and cold grass as he suffered inside his air-conditioned bunker until the mortals destroyed the solar panel, source of light and comfort. Thus he emerged, sweaty, from his tunnel of love and succor. And everything was good. Now begins the photo ops.

So goes the parable of the prophet named Apollo Quiboloy, whose arrest was announced on Facebook by a Cabinet official who was, according to the DDS, in Dubai at that time, proving that social media can break through boundaries of time and distance to those who wish to break the story first. 

The pastor, his face veiled in black to protect us mortals from his blinding presence, is presented to media by grim-faced officials, conveying seriousness of purpose. Just a few days ago, the same officials, and their local entourage, took selfies with a fugitive ex-mayor arrested in Indonesia. Cute. 

Photo courtesy of Bureau of Immigration

Exasperated senators on the other side of the metropolis subject the ex-mayor who talks to chickens to severe grilling but don’t get far. She has been unmasked as a Chinese national, suspected of being a spy who runs an illegal offshore gaming operation on a sprawling compound that could house thousands of chickens but is occupied instead by thousands of illegal aliens, many of whom, they claim, have been trafficked; some of whom, they claim, subjected to inhumane treatment. The ex-mayor’s chickens are treated better.

Arrested in Indonesia, her final destination after a circuitous route on board a yacht, the chicken whisperer forgets the name of the owner, or the country or countries plotted on her escape route. She was receiving deaths threats, she told a smiling Cabinet official, and the trip to Indonesia could well be her attempt to find some peace and quiet, a respite from the badgering of senators that’s ruining her hair routine and regular talk time with her chickens, not to mention aggravating her amnesia. I hope she still remembers the names of all her chickens.

The President hails the ex-mayor’s arrest by Indonesian immigration as a victory for Philippine law enforcement. The arrest of the fugitive pastor, doubted by the DDS who called it a surrender not to the police but to the intelligence arm of the military who, according to some reports, maintain an office inside the cult’s humble 80-hectare property, is a victory of justice. Cue the canned applause. 

So where are we? Two renegade figures are now in government custody. One a close friend and spiritual adviser of the former president from Davao accused of human trafficking and sexual assault, the other a supposed key figure in a criminal operation that flourished during the term of the same former president from Davao. The noose is getting smaller, tightening, declared the pinklawans who now share common cause, and common target, with the BBM fanatics. 

Reporters better be storing up on Red Bull, or Cobra, or whatever energy drink that’s on hand. If you think the wild ride is over, think again. Crazy season starts now. All roads lead to Davao.


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